On August 13, 2016, I began my journey when I lost my father to suicide. I’d like to say I’ve walked it gracefully, but I haven’t. Shock, disbelief, and instant devastation mixed with tears and anger, followed by questions that will never be answered—that’s what this mess looks like. The grief journey after losing a loved one to suicide begins, and unfortunately, it never ends. Pain is real, but so is hope.
Upon searching for ways to cope with my loss, I found very little I could relate to. I needed raw emotion from fellow survivors of suicide loss. I needed to know I wasn’t crazy for the way I felt. I needed to know I wasn’t alone. I needed to hear from others who sat in the mess of a painful, shattered life. What was helping them begin the healing process through their grief?
My story is for those of us left behind to agonize over ‘what if’s’ and ‘why’s.’ It is also for anyone who wants to better understand suicide loss. It’s a roller coaster, but it is not one that you have to face alone.